Novel
Bitch. The (slang) term is defined as a malicious, unpleasant, selfish woman. It's a shock when you find out that that is how people see you and think of you. It's difficult to accept. It's a word that rings in your ears after the first time you hear it. People didn't seem to want to like me.
It's worse to hear something like that when it's not said to your face. When it's said candidly. When it's muttered, whispered or hissed behind your back. Some people may say they'd rather have it said behind their back but they're lying. It's worse to know that there's so much more that they've probably said. That's how I feel. It plays on my mind all the time. I have to smile and pretend as if I didn't hear anything, as if I don't know what they really think of me.
Even if they knew that I knew, what could I do? I can hardly condemn people for their opinions, choosing to dislike them simply because they don't like me. Part of me thinks of playing up to the part, showing them what a bitch really is.
Is it something to be embraced? Is it something to be reveled in? How is one supposed to enjoy being a bitch? I don't quite understand how it's a positive thing. I've tried my best to try and be ok with it but it makes everything more difficult. I'm always paranoid at work that everyone is judging my personality, talking about me behind my back.
Commentary
I started my extract with a one-word sentence in order to gain the audiences attention. The fact that I started it off with the term "bitch" then leaves the audience wondering what the extract will be about, as the term has numerous meanings. I think it's important to start writing with something that will attract attention and make people want to keep reading.
I used a lot of rhetorical questions throughout my writing to engage the audience, making them feel involved and interested in what they are reading. I also used repetition of terms to reinforce points and emphasise my opinions.
I used powerful past tense verbs like "muttered", "whispered" and "hissed" to connote gossiping and being two faced.
WWW: successful language use for audience and purpose
ReplyDeletegood use of rhetorical questions it engages the audience well :-)
EBI: it could be a bit longer :-)
WWW
ReplyDelete-Answered the task given
-Used a lot of rhetorical questions so the reader can try to understand the character.
EBI
-Added more of the actual article into it.
GRADE-16/25
WWW: - Introduction grabs the readers attension with a short sentence. Effective register and clear choice in language.
ReplyDeleteEBI- Could have added more description on the effect making it longer.
Band 3
16-18
WWW: What I like about yours is that you have actually defined the word Bitch. This autobiography shows your critical thinking in practice and also conveys creativity. I personally think it's a high C - 15/25
ReplyDeleteEBI: it was longer and included more detail!
16
ReplyDeleteBand 3
www: clear grasp of task. Used a lot of rhetorical questions to get the reader thinking.
ReplyDeleteebi: it could have been longer and more descriptive.
Band 3: 16
Confident and well written with few technical flaws. Source material not as fully integrated as it might be. There is little evidence of 'adaptation' of the material and 're-applying' it within the text and this brings the mark down from what could have been band 4. A genuine sense of a character is created and an internal dilemma.
ReplyDelete17
WWW - Everything
ReplyDeleteEBI - Nothing
Mark - 3000000/25