The Twelfth Symposium

An entry from Offred's secret diary

I'm going mad. I can't take it anymore. I don't know how I can go on, not knowing where Luke is. Not knowing where my family is. I feel so lost. I feel so useless. That sounds ungrateful, I have a use. I'm one of the lucky ones. I have a purpose, I've been spared. I should be thankful for the fact that I've not been sent to the colonies, I'm not an unwoman. I still have time. 

          I have far more freedom than the unwomen, than the women sent to the colonies, than the Marthas and probably even the Wives. It's just not good enough. I want to be with my family, with the people I love. Sometimes I think I'd rather be in the colonies. I don't know what happens there, I know not to believe gossip anymore.

           I long to feel love, to feel wanted. There's a difference between being wanted and being needed. I'm needed. Nobody wants me, they simply need me. I've just heard the Commander coming up the stairs, I'll have to hide this as usual. 

An entry from Nick's secret diary

I don't know what it is about her that makes me feel this way about her. I don't know why she's all I can think about. I wonder if she feels the same, I wonder if she can tell how I feel about her. I'm always wondering. Wondering about her, wondering about us, if they'll ever be an 'us'. I've never been so fascinated with someone. It's as if she's forbidden fruit, off limits to me.
           I could never do anything, I could never risk getting her in trouble. I can't help but wink at her sometimes, touch her foot with mine. I can't stop myself. I know it's dangerous, I know it could get her sent away. I would never want to get her in trouble, but I just don't know what to do with myself. I can't help but feel this way about her. She never returns my signs of interest but that may be because she knows how much trouble she could be in. I don't know what to do.